Does Your Child Feel Safe to Disagree?
Best practices to prepare your child for healthy disagreements in high school, college, and beyond.
In an increasingly polarized world, the ability to engage in respectful disagreement is sadly becoming a challenge for many, including adults. This isn't just a life lesson you need to teach your children; it's now a crucial component in higher education admissions. As *The New York Times recently reported, some of the nation's top universities are now evaluating students on their capacity for civility and dialogue, specifically seeking applicants who can "disagree respectfully on hot-button" topics. This means helping your child develop these communication muscles is more important than ever.
At The Bertram Group, we believe strongly in preparing students for holistic success. Our mission is to help families find the right educational fit for their children, and that extends far beyond academic transcripts. Just as we get to know our students and their needs, we keep our finger on the pulse of what colleges and universities are looking for in applicants. We know they are seeking thoughtful, adaptable individuals who can contribute positively to a diverse intellectual community. This is precisely why we care so deeply about your child's ability to navigate disagreements constructively.
So, how can you help your child develop these vital skills? Our team has put together a simple resource for practicing healthy civil discourse at home.
Foster a Home Environment Where Disagreement is Safe
The best training ground for healthy disagreement is often at home. As a family, actively creating a space where differing opinions are heard, not shut down, sets a powerful precedent.
Listen Actively
Model what it means to truly listen to another point of view, even if you don't agree. Show your child how to understand, rather than just waiting to respond.Encourage "Why?"
Instead of immediately dismissing an opinion, ask your child to explain their reasoning. "Tell me more about why you feel that way." This teaches them to articulate their thoughts.Separate Idea from Person
Help your child understand that disagreeing with an idea doesn't mean disagreeing with the person holding it. Use phrases like, "I understand your point, but I see it differently because..."Model Respect
Show your child how to remain calm, use a moderate tone, and avoid personal attacks or dismissive language, even when discussing sensitive topics.
Equip Them with Practical Communication Tools
Healthy disagreement is a skill set that can be taught and refined. Provide your child with tangible strategies they can use in discussions with peers and adults.
"I" Statements
Teach them to express their feelings and perspective without making accusations. For example, replace "You always make me frustrated" with "I feel frustrated when..."Seek Understanding First
Encourage them to clarify the other person's point before stating their own. "So, if I understand correctly, you're saying... Is that right?" This shows respect and prevents misunderstandings.Focus on Common Ground
Even when disagreeing, there might be shared values or goals. Help them identify these to build bridges rather than walls.Know When to Pause
Sometimes, the best response is a thoughtful pause. Teach them to recognize when emotions are running too high and suggest taking a break from the discussion.Practice Perspective-Taking
Encourage them to consider why someone else might hold a different view, especially on complex issues. This builds empathy.
Prepare Them for Real-World Scenarios
The skills developed in high school are directly transferable to the dynamic environments of college and beyond. Universities want students who can contribute to robust, respectful intellectual discourse.
Discuss Current Events Thoughtfully
Engage your child in conversations about news and cultural topics. Encourage them to research different viewpoints and practice articulating their own, even if it differs from yours.Role-Play Difficult Conversations
Practice hypothetical scenarios they might encounter in class or with friends. This builds confidence and provides a safe space to try out new communication strategies.Emphasize Resilience
Healthy disagreement means not always "winning" the argument. Teach them that expressing their views respectfully, even if opinions remain divergent, is a success in itself.
The TBG Difference: Guiding Your Child's Holistic Growth
Navigating this evolving admissions landscape can feel like adding another layer of complexity to an already intricate process. At The Bertram Group, we partner with families to address these critical skills, understanding that they are integral to both admissions success and thriving in college. Our deep connections with admissions offices at top institutions mean we know what they value. We help students not only present their academic best but also showcase their capacity for thoughtful engagement, respectful dialogue, and genuine contribution to a vibrant campus community.
Ultimately, finding the right educational fit means ensuring your child is prepared for all facets of their future experience. If you're looking for support in nurturing these essential skills or navigating the college and boarding school admissions process, we're here to help.